Group works to affirm rights of older gays and lesbians

by Jeffrey Mostade

Cleveland-Did you know that there are an estimated 21⁄2 million gay or lesbian adults over the age of sixty in the United States?

While this number is larger than the current number of people living in nursing homes in the U.S., we don't often hear about the needs of this part of our community. This is primarily because of the twin stigma associated with being both "old" and gay or lesbian identified. You may also have not known that this group of older gay and lesbian people has specialized needs, and may also have resources that are overlooked and undervalued.

Some of the specialized needs and concerns of this community include housing discrimination in government programs, partnership discrimination, special estate planning, barriers to service caused by ignorance and oppressive understanding.

Resources of this group that are often overlooked include stigma management (the ability to function successfully despite community prejudice), role flexibility (not being stuck to specific gender roles), extensive friendship networks, and wisdom about our history of coping as a community.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people over the age of sixty are one of the most diverse populations within our community. This is because older people are the most diverse population on the planet.

The Gray Pride Interagency Taskforce, or GRIT, has over six years of history and service for and to the Cleveland area gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community.

In response to the desire expressed by many social service providers to understand the needs and resources of this community, GRIT was formed in the autumn of 1994. Our mission is to affirm the dignity, rights, and diversity of older gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender adults, and to create supportive environments in greater Cleveland through advocacy, education, and programming.

Since 1995, some of the accomplishments of GRIT have included sponsorship of a film festival on gay and lesbian aging, getting a ten thousand dollar grant-the first of its kind in the nation-from the Western Reserve Area Agency on Aging, and that agency's acknowledgement of older gay men and lesbian women as an underserved population.

GRIT also established the Gray Pride social group at the Lakewood Senior Center (the group is now autonomous), and sponsored a guest speaker from the renowned New York City agency for older gay men and lesbian

Children

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It has been my personal observation that has led me to this conclusion. The reaction I get when I tell people I am pregnant is rich and wide. The heterosexual women I tell are immediately happy and joyful. To them this is something perfectly natural and expected. Lesbians I tell are usually just as happy for me, but then they confide that they too want to be mothers, but just couldn't figure it out.

Heterosexual men only want to know one thing: how we conceived. If this is not a stereotype I don't what is, but I swear it is true. Gay men have been kind to me and happy.

To a person, every heterosexual I've told, including all three sides of the family, have wanted to know if we were going to raise the child to be gay.

The baby's father had a different experience. To him, every heterosexual woman he told was negative and almost hostile. They couldn't understand why a gay man would want to be a father. Gay men are no different then heterosexual men; some make good dads, others wouldn't or don't want to. But how many would be dads if they could? I suspect that a larger number of gay men

women SAGE, Senior Action in a Gay Environment, at the Fairhill Center for Aging.

We have done in-service training at local senior service organizations and colleges, as well as national presentations, and are currently working on a curriculum development initiative for service providers to the aging community.

GRIT also has a table each year at Cleveland's Gay Pride festival.

GRIT is a cooperative task force, comprised of professional members from a wide range of community organizations, including the Benjamin Rose Institute, Fairhill Center for Aging, the Cleveland Lesbian and Gay Community Services Center, Passport, Senex Elder Care, Counseling and Training; and the Western Reserve Geriatric Education Center.

We encourage people to participate in our educational and service mission through participation in bi-monthly meetings, or by becoming senior trainers.

One of the spin-offs from the GRIT initiative has been the Gray Pride social group that meets on the third Tuesday of every month at the Lakewood Senior Center West at 16024 Madison Ave. in Lakewood, at 5:30 pm for a potluck and discussion or presentation. For further details, contact graypride@juno.com, or call 216-791-8039 ext. 328 (Douglas Braun, MSSA).

GRIT is interested in sponsoring and providing assistance for the development of other groups of gay men, lesbian women, bisexual and transgender people over the age of 55, their caregivers and partners in the Cleveland area. If you are interested in becoming a member of the Gray Pride Interagency Taskforce, starting a social group in your area, or becoming involved in senior LGBT concerns, please join us. Our community needs you. We are always interested in the diversity represented by new membership.

GRIT meets every other month at Fairhill Center for Aging, at 12200 Fairhill Road at the intersection of Fairhill Blvd. and East 124th St. Our next meeting is scheduled for Monday afternoon, August 7 at 3:30 pm.

Please consider coming to a task force meeting or to sponsor a Gray Pride social group in your town, suburb, or affirming congregation. You have nothing to lose, and the community has everything to gain. We look forward to seeing you. ✓

Jeffrey Mostade, PCC, NCC, is chair of the Gray Pride Interagency Taskforce. He can be reached at 216-421-1793 or

www.senexcare.com.

would be fathers if they had the opportunity. Needless to say, everyone has an opinion and a feeling. And it is these opinions that have made me believe that there are many, lesbians and gay men who really want to be parents, but have shut that side of themselves down, thinking it is impossible.

Like the process of acknowledging our -selves as gay and lesbian people, what if we individually came out with our desire to be parents? What if every lesbian or gay man who wanted to be a parent actually did? What a revolution! What an army we would make!

How our families would grow. Just think how many aunts and uncles your child would have. What an impact that thousands of school-age children with queer parents would have on society. No more harassment of gay students, and lesbian and gay curriculum in the schools.

Eventually all these children would vote or at least participate in the Newsweek polls about whether queers should have equal rights. What do you think they would say and do?

So let us throw off the cloak of secrecy that binds our desire to be parents. Not only should we talk about it-we should do it. Do it proudly. Finish creating your families; participate in the upbringing of the next generation. Really change the world.

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